Wednesday, February 2, 2011

You Know You’re Growing Old When..

You ain’t old till you think you are. Possibly true. However, once the latter kicks in, you will age faster than Sourav Ganguly blinks.

And as some wise men in China had once said (and had been detained for trying to spread boisterous capitalist ideas), age drops subtle hints before coming out at you outright naked. So, those of you who are or have been contemplating editing their Facebook profile info, here are some hints that age might be prodding you in the eye with.

You know you’re growing old when…

  1. You peer too long in the mirror, pretending to check on your stubble, all the while trying to check out signs of balding or whiteys. 
  2. You prefer staying put and boarding the next bus/train instead of running behind the missed bus. And/or jumping up on its rear footboard, holding onto the collar of a co-passenger.
  3. You find the domestic-pleasantry-borne expletives from the co-passenger embarrassing.
  4. You find the only hand up for smoking dope at a party is yours
  5. Majority of the crowd at the local pub you frequent seem like irritating fuckhead college-going pricks.
  6. The autowallahs actually respect you and do not try to push you off the front seat for laughing at his driving skills.
  7. You find your dream job of driving an auto and smoking Dhania-chhaap beedis is not exactly the dream job your in-laws-to-be are dreaming of.
  8. You want to have dinner at home, even though you can afford Pizza Hut.
  9. You find tying firecrackers to the dogs’ rear fucking atrocious.
  10. You hate the word ‘fuck’ and people who use it in random sentences. Or points.
  11. Is the number your girlfriend gives you out of 10, because any less could make you go on a drinking binge again.
  12. Your girlfriend also tries dropping subtle hints that you should start thinking about marriage. Also when outraging on the issue doesn’t seem to work anymore.
  13. Watching Cricket seems more interesting.
  14. Watching Soccer simultaneously makes you feel adrenaline-pumped and yet older than a 70-year old Alzheimer’s patient.
  15. –year old girls call you Dada/Kaku/Uncle, and ominously without giggling.
  16. Getting drunk in the middle of the night, because your non-existent dog just died an imaginary death, sounds weird.
  17. Call of Duty means groveling at your boss’ feet and not fighting your way through German machine gun nests on Omaha Beach.
  18. Furniture exhibitions interest you more than a rock/metal gig.
  19. Is an age you wish you could go back to.
  20. You have more regrets than a Vietnam war-hero in general.
  21. Motorcycle Diaries’ incites forlorn dreaming of what you could have achieved, rather than what you plan to achieve as a rebel.
  22. You would rather drink with your boring colleagues than with your old pals, simply because you are too scared of getting drunk and landing up in odd places with odd chicks at odd times of the night.
  23. You try guessing other guys’ ages and compare yourself on that parameter.
  24. Is the threshold where you either become a handsome lumberjack or a petty, humorless Bong.

I guess you know now.

Go back to your mirror, or your girlfriend, depending on whichever is new. FIN.