Friday, January 21, 2011

Story of a Budding Entrepreneur

I was about 9 then. Or maybe 8. An ordinary boy living an ordinary life in an ordinary town. Along with Typo (my non-evil twin, in case you forgot), I was content with life unraveling at a languid pace – cornflakes in the morning, school in the day, cricket with 3 other guys and a dog in the evening and homework at night.

Now, all of these activities seemed real hard when you were at that age. I mean how can any kid put up with Math and an agonizing wait to relieve himself simultaneously in school? And playing cricket with 3 guys, using the dog as the wicket, is not very easy. Try proving that you bowled the batsman out, with your wicket running, screaming in an odd voice, like a dog hit in the rear by a heavy rubber ball. Very hard, I tell you. And pretending to finish homework while slyly catching up on the latest fashion on FTV at night is even tougher.

Anyway, point is, life was hard. At least for me and Typo.   

However, like all Bong kids, it was mandatory for us to take tuitions. Now in 21st century, it is easy to say hah, big deal! But back then, what made taking tuitions, & life in general, hard for Bong kids was the tuition teacher – who was not exactly the online voice-over, giving lessons like serenading a monkey.

Ours was no exception. And after 3 months of being pummeled with formulas & equations, we gave in and scored a neat Jhiro on 30 in a Test de la Grande. Yes, me and Typo both did ‘Aryabhatta’ proud.

However, Mr. Tuition Teacher was not a fan of Aryabhata, but admired Sarah Palin instead. This was evident from his ‘red-eyed’ refudiating of everything good that Mr. & Mrs. Pal could have envisaged in their boys.

And so, we ran away from home. Into the wild. Or as Bongs call it, to the Math of the Tepantaur (can’t help if it sounds like a bad breed of the Minotaur). 

Almost-Gone-Missing Aryabhatta-Fanboy
Unlike what you’ve heard in stories, running away from home is easy. All you need to do is this – Sulk > Think of buying a gun & kill Mr. Tor-mentor > Realize it’s not possible > Suicide > WTF? > Talk to Typo > Run away from home at 12 pm post-lunch > Climb over barbed wire fence of Campus > This.Is.Freedom.!!

In our case, all went smoothly except the fact that Typo’s pants got caught in the barbed wire and he has been experiencing man-problems ever since. Rest was all good.

We made our way over mud dunes, paddy fields, passed by a Bata factory & also ogled at women bathing in a nearby pond (Typo insists he did not. What a liar!). We were also stared down as potential kidnap/extortion victims by 4 weird men playing teen-patti in a hutment. One of them was a Steve Jobs-look alike, smoking Dhania-chhaap beedi. Come to think of it, maybe he WAS Steve Jobs - considering the fact that he’s got pancreatic cancer now. Yeah, Dhania-chhaap beedis are not at very good terms with the pancreas, last I heard.

Whatever. We got traced down by the CBI (Chanchal Bhushan Ishmail, our gardener), who had been alerted by terrified ‘gaaowaalon’ about a bear bathing in their village pond. Turned out it was actually yours truly having some harmless topless fun in the sun. Blechh.

By now you must be outraging over the title of the post, and what the fuck am I trying to prove here – with a misleading Title et al. Well, there’s a twist in the tale here.

Yours truly, being a genius sans parallèle, had not run away from home on an impulse. After all, we had planned to set up camp in another city and build an empire ala AOE III. Hence, like a true-blood, nifty entrepreneur, we had made plans for a business first.

We handpicked the choicest of ‘Hot Wheels’ from our collection, some of the rarest books and some easily saleable stuff like pens, chocolate and Femina Miss India posters (wink wink nudge nudge). We were planning to sell off these and make a living till Google or Stevie hired us for one of their sweatshops in Bangkok.

And like a quintessential entrepreneurial partner, Typo chickened out, almost jeopardizing the venture. However, telling him that chickening out may ruin the chances of radio silence on his barbed-wire-man-problems helped sort it out amicably.

And like a quintessential entrepreneurial venture, we lost all of the investment; lock stock and barrel.

There. Explanation complete.

However, the upside of the whole story is that we learnt 2 valuable lessons that day.

Lesson #1 - Running away from home is overrated.
Lesson #2 - Nothing can beat gorging on home-cooked food, especially after learning lesson #1 the practical way.

As I said, life was hard back then. But it was also great, in parts!

P.S.: You really thought this was another ‘Steve-Jobs-is-so-awesome’ story, didn’t you, you bloody Apple fanboys?!   


  1. I'm pretty sure selling your bear like body hair for making wigs would've been a better entrepreneural idea. But ok, as they say, live and learn.
    Also, *cough* you sure you not confusing typo with your own self, re: getting stuck in barbwire and all? :-D

  2. Hmmm. To the first part of the comment, I will keep it in mind. To the second part of the comment, please don't keep that in mind.

  3. hahhaha...nice shud hav been titled perils of childhood..surely adventurous bt a happy endin at last...quite a yash raj kid version of film..i must say...must read!!!

  4. Ha ha.. good job with the humor.. though a little at the expense of Typo !

    Keep going bro. Cheers

  5. Man...I actually sympathize with poor Typo!!! No wonder he wants to kill u...!! I kno I wud if that was me. Funny...Yes, Overated...Oh!Yes, adorable...U bet!! But y is Typo...well...umm...Typo??!!

  6. A pondering outsiders insight:

    Pray tell why on earth did you not use "Typo" as the wicket and your dog as the fielder? I assume both know how to fetch, but doubt if the dog would have wanted to bat!

    A note to the 'bear' bathing in the river, The World's Greatest Shave approaches.

    Typo was telling the truth. He wasn't ogling! Well at least not at the woman bathing, but maybe at the naked bear.

  7. hahah typo ki maarli! :P

    BTW, dog aka ghildu was damn hilarious! wait! dog was ghildu ryt?:P

  8. @aishwarya - thanks. But can't decide whether to take the Yash Raj part of the comment as a compliment or otherwise.
    @Didi - Typo is expendable. for free.
    @Typo - love you but hate you.
    @Suggi - Thanks. And Typo is Typo because his name takes too long to type. or mistype. whatever.
    @Anonymous-who-is-bald - LOL
    @Rao - Ghildu ain't a dawg bitchezzz... he is da Orkutiya Mahipal #1 of da gener@tion! Peace.

  9. I was one of those who fell for the title. and even I thought like kulin tat the barbed wire was ur exp but then typo shows up and he does not deny it. So kudos to u for jumping over safely

  10. haha..loved this one..really good..:)