Friday, March 18, 2011

Chandrakanta ki Jawaani..

My name is Chandrakaantaaa. Chandrakaanta ki jawaaani. *Ahaa Ahaa/Cheap Indian Bhangra rap* I am too sexy for you. Mai tere haath na aani. *Ohoo Ohoo*.

That’s exactly what Chandrakaantaa sang to Doordarshan 15 years back in 1996, when after a bombastic run on the national TV channel for 3 years, DD did a Kalmadi on the show’s producers and pulled it off air – almost a year before the scheduled contract ended.

WAIT. If you are leaving because you think this is another shitty essay on how private channels & the corporate media have killed off a thriving DoorDarshan, come back. Because this post is not about that. At all!

We all know that DoorDarshan did not have the ‘door darshan’ to effectively counter the powerhouse packaging and CWG-scale marketing of cable TV. And as an obvious result, they were relegated to hosting boring quiz shows & singing competitions where the ladies dressed in salwar kameez or churidaars. Dude. Cable TV had Divya Dutta & Shikha Swaroop in mini-skirts. You could have had your women in a pair of jeans at least? Anyway point is, they effectively won the ‘Paidh pe Kulhadi’ award and fucked off into obscurity.

However, like an ice-cream trolleywalla who doesn’t come around the neighborhood anymore because of the ‘Mama Mia’ counter across the street, DD has left behind thousands of kids who still pine for Chandrakanta & co.

For what you knew but couldn’t confess for fear of being shunned in the age of MTV & FTV, a million kids grew up on DD – and built their lives around it too. And like they say, the child was the mirror to the man. For what DD will never apprehend, is that, in spite of their obnoxious production values & packaging skills, they had managed to inspire and engross today’s Indian youth when they were still teenagers.
DD. Facilitated Day-Dreaming
We learnt the art of geekdom from Captain Vyom, Knight Rider & Captain Samurai Cyber Squad. We shot imaginary AK-47s in the air & wanted to go Virender Sehwag on terrorists from Sea Hawks. We learnt the art of subtle, black comedy and satire from Dekh Bhai Dekh & Flop Show. We wanted to be globe-trekkers and go on world tours (on company reimbursement of course!) from Surabhi. We became fans of The Dark Knight from Shaktimaan. We knew how to track down the guy who stole stationary from our cubicles at work from Byomkesh Bakshi & Raja Aur Rancho. And we learnt about a lot of family-unsafe stuff from Chandrakanta & Chitrahaar!

Oh. We did learn about politicians and the Parliament too. From Duck Tales & The Disney Comedy Show (ft. Mickey, Goofey & Donald).

You see, it was not the cable TV that killed DD. It was us. We loved it and learnt from it. But like the neighborhood ice-cream trolleywallah, we left it when better stuff came along. We did not go out to buy Boroline as advised by DD anymore, for SRK’s snarky comments about DishTV's superiority seemed more important to tend to now. 

Not fair at all. But that’s life.

Chandrakantaa is turning in her grave now because of this shit Blog post that did not do justice to her awezomeness. Not fair, she says.

But that’s life.

P.S.: A big shout-out to Didi, who inspired this post.

Image courtesy –


  1. I wanna go back to DD days !!!! 'Jungle jungle baat chali hai pata chala hai.. Chaddi pehenke phool khila hai phool khila hai".. whatever 'chaddi pehenke phool khila hai" meant ?!?!
    This writeup makes me nostalgic.. Love the satire :)
    'Tu toh bada Chamku nikla re...' Yakkuuuuuu *rolling eyes with evil smile*

  2. aah I miss Tehkikaat!! I wud beg n grovel and cry to catch that serial. I bet u really had an eye out for Divya Dutta in mini skirt ;) not all the geeky kid I thot u to be.. lol. Good work!

  3. hey nice...liked it..good job..:)

  4. This is the shittiest, most drivel filled, most second handed, derivative post on this blog. OFFICIALLY.

  5. Adbhut adamya sahas ki paribhasha hai
    Ye (post) mit-ti "DD" ki nayi asha hai!!!

    Truely a perfect write up down memory lane...travellin wid sindbaad the sailor wid his tilasmi talwaar, humming alif laila facing every demon from Kilvish and his kayam andhera to kroor singh and his heavy eyebrows, Dekh DD bhai Dekh...(as DJ sd) actually managed to inspire and engross us.

    Shriman Shrimati, Flop Show, Malgudi days, Raja Aur Rancho, Tehkikaat, Byomkesh Bakshi, Captain Vyom, Ramayan, Mahabharat, Sword of Tipu Sultan, Betaal Pacchissi, the rabbits of "liNjjat PaaNpad"...woah...wat nostalgia!!! Lovely blog post DJ!!!

  6. @Didi - Loved Jungle Book. Aur jaha tak Yakku ki baat hai... Yakku \m/ flashes devil horns.. *understands it's inappropriate to be aired on DD and sits the fuck down*
    @Suggi - Divya Dutta was hot. You have to admit that Sutki.
    @Diya - Thank you. You are my most loyal minion. Muhahaha!
    @KKK - Who's the Officer here? P.S. Point taken. Will try and better this.
    @Venkat - Thanks. K cool lev.
    @Angana - Thank You. Flop Show was the best though! So was a weekly cartoon episode called 'Guchhe'.

  7. i loved the weekly puppet show and duck tales...was still stuck wid disney when kids of my age were drooling ovr mtv..brought bck memories...btw whr excatly do u work?..stealing stationery????